In this episode we talk to VEST Members about how they've managed to navigate career transitions and setbacks, while rediscovering themselves and building meaningful connections. We discuss the importance of asking for help, leveraging peer networks, advocating for ourselves and other women unapologetically. Join us as we dive into double standards women face at work like self-promotion, work-life balance, and ageism.
Guest Speakers:
Judy Reyes-Henderson COO at Freedom City OKC and owner of Focal Point Consulting & Interim Staffing (FCIS). Judy founded FCIS after having served as the Executive Director for Development at Ronald McDonald House Charities. Prior she served as the Asst. VP for development at Oklahoma City University, the Director of Corporate and Foundation Relations at Langston University, the Development M anager for University of Central Oklahoma and the Division Director for the March of Dimes.
Kendra Loper Fundraising Coach with the Veritus Group. Kendra’s professional experience includes serving as the Chief External Relations Officer at the Regional Food Bank of Oklahoma, the Development Director for the Make A Wish Foundation and the Executive Director of Alumni Relations at Southern Nazarene University. Kendra is also a Gallup-Certified Strengths Coach, using the CliftonStrengths assessment to help organizations build stronger team dynamics, better conversations and increased collaboration.
Monica Ybarra Weedn Attorney at Rosell & Love PLLC. Prior she was the Director of Legal Affairs at TBS, and an Attorney at Phillips Murrah. From bartending to corporate counsel, Monica's ability to extract positive lessons and relationships from each career opportunity provides a strong foundation from which she now draws on to serve her clients in private practice. Monica is on the board of Oklahoma Board of Bar Examiners, OKC Latino Young Professionals and StitchCrew.
Yvita Crider owner of Fox Crider Consulting Group, where she spearheads the Oklahoma Square One Project, a statewide criminal justice initiative. She is also the artist and owner behind Yvita Handcrafted Jewelry. Prior, she was Director of Statewide Engagement for Oklahomans for Criminal Justice Reform, the Director of Leadership Development for Teach For America, and served in the United Nations and other INGOs.
If you enjoyed the episode share it with a friend and don't forget to leave us a review. If you are ready to take your career to the next level, apply to join our community of professional women, all eager to help you get there and stay there. Check out our VEST Membership and apply today! www.VESTHer.co
In this episode we talk to VEST Members about how they've managed to navigate career transitions and setbacks, while rediscovering themselves and building meaningful connections. We discuss the importance of asking for help, leveraging peer networks, advocating for ourselves and other women unapologetically. Join us as we dive into double standards women face at work like self-promotion, work-life balance, and ageism.
Guest Speakers:
Judy Reyes-Henderson COO at Freedom City OKC and owner of Focal Point Consulting & Interim Staffing (FCIS). Judy founded FCIS after having served as the Executive Director for Development at Ronald McDonald House Charities. Prior she served as the Asst. VP for development at Oklahoma City University, the Director of Corporate and Foundation Relations at Langston University, the Development M anager for University of Central Oklahoma and the Division Director for the March of Dimes.
Kendra Loper Fundraising Coach with the Veritus Group. Kendra’s professional experience includes serving as the Chief External Relations Officer at the Regional Food Bank of Oklahoma, the Development Director for the Make A Wish Foundation and the Executive Director of Alumni Relations at Southern Nazarene University. Kendra is also a Gallup-Certified Strengths Coach, using the CliftonStrengths assessment to help organizations build stronger team dynamics, better conversations and increased collaboration.
Monica Ybarra Weedn Attorney at Rosell & Love PLLC. Prior she was the Director of Legal Affairs at TBS, and an Attorney at Phillips Murrah. From bartending to corporate counsel, Monica's ability to extract positive lessons and relationships from each career opportunity provides a strong foundation from which she now draws on to serve her clients in private practice. Monica is on the board of Oklahoma Board of Bar Examiners, OKC Latino Young Professionals and StitchCrew.
Yvita Crider owner of Fox Crider Consulting Group, where she spearheads the Oklahoma Square One Project, a statewide criminal justice initiative. She is also the artist and owner behind Yvita Handcrafted Jewelry. Prior, she was Director of Statewide Engagement for Oklahomans for Criminal Justice Reform, the Director of Leadership Development for Teach For America, and served in the United Nations and other INGOs.
If you enjoyed the episode share it with a friend and don't forget to leave us a review. If you are ready to take your career to the next level, apply to join our community of professional women, all eager to help you get there and stay there. Check out our VEST Membership and apply today! www.VESTHer.co
Hey everyone, this is Erica Lucas, your host and founding member of Vest, an organization connecting women across industries, regions and career levels so that together we can expedite the pipeline of more women in positions of power and influence. Welcome to another episode of the Vestor podcast, where we explore the invisible barriers holding women back in the workplace and share stories of women building power collectively.
Speaker 2:I was not expecting to have my position eliminated. I was in a C-suite position, and so it came as quite a shock. I'm 52 and you're at an age where people start to say, oh, you know like do we hire her? Because you know how much does she have left to give, which is crazy, because I do not feel like I'm anywhere near the end of my career. But you know all the things that society tells us about our age.
Speaker 4:There can be a tremendous amount of shame, like maybe that we heap on ourselves or we feel like people are thinking when we're going through transitions like that, it can sometimes silence us and so we don't want to share, maybe because we don't trust that there are people that won't judge us.
Speaker 5:I am forever grateful to Shannon Cooper and the ladies in this group really for just you know wrapping their arms around me and helping me feel good about the changes that were happening, even though it kind of hurt at that moment and you just don't know where you're going and what's going to happen, and how you're going to thrive and how you're going to take care of your family.
Speaker 6:As a lawyer. I mean, people are hiring you, they expect you to know what you're doing right. But sometimes it just needs to reach out to someone and ask and I can do that without feeling judged. I can do that without feeling, you know, incompetent all of the things that we tell ourselves when we reach out for help.
Speaker 5:For a long time I wanted to be an executive director and a vice president of an organization and now I'm like hmm, no, I feel kind of sweet spot right here in the COO position.
Speaker 6:For example, my husband is an excellent networker and he was the one that really was, like you know, showing me how to do it and I thought the way he was doing it worked great. For him it didn't work great for me.
Speaker 2:You know, when I was younger, I think, in mentors I looked for something very different than I look for now. I think I was looking for who, well, who's at the top right? Who's the CEO? How can I connect with those folks? And, in reality, sometimes, often, those folks aren't where the rubber meets the road and, while there is certainly value and wisdom to share at that level, those weren't the folks that I needed to be speaking into my career and journey. I needed to have people that were really doing the work on a day-to-day basis and understanding what it really took, and that I could build trust with and hear from in a different way. So you learn that over time, but that's not a lesson I knew right out of the gate.
Speaker 1:In this episode we talk about how best members have managed to navigate careers, transitions and setbacks, all while building meaningful and authentic connections. We also discuss the importance of asking for help, leveraging PR networks and advocating for ourselves as well as other women, unapologetically. You will hear from Vest member Judy Reyes Henderson, coo of Freedom City OKC, an owner of Folkl Point Consulting and Inner Staffing Group. Vest member Kendra Lopper, fund Racing Coach with the Veritas Group and former C-suite executive at a large nonprofit, as well as Vest member Monica Ivarra-Wieden, attorney at Russell Love and former director of legal affairs at a large fintech company.
Speaker 1:This episode was part of a more intimate coaching session with Vest members and was moderated by Vest member Evita Kreider, owner of Fox Kreider Consulting, where Evita spearheads the Oklahoma Square One project, a criminal justice reform initiative. Evita is also the owner and artist behind Evita Handcrafted Jewelry. Prior to these roles, evita was director of engagement for Oklahoma's for criminal justice reform and, before that, director of leadership development for Teach for America in Oklahoma. To access our guests full bio and show notes, go to wwwvesthercocom. This episode is brought to you by Vestr Ventures, our venture capital arm investing in women-led companies, building solutions for the intersection of the care economy and future of work. Also by Vest Peer Network, a network of professional women across industries, regions and career levels, helping each other navigate careers and working together to build a future of more inclusive workspaces. If you enjoy the episode, share it with a friend and don't forget to leave us a review.
Speaker 4:I want to welcome you, ladies, to the panel. Thank you for sharing your lessons learned, your life journeys, with us today. And you know we want to learn from you all and you know, see how you got where you are during the good times, when these were going smoothly, and when they weren't going smoothly, how you leverage the resources around you to get where you are to be successful. So I am going to ask our first question of all of our panelists Can you provide short because we only have an hour right a bit of your career journey? Share with us a bit of your career journey. Has it been linear for you? Just give us a glimpse so we can start with Judy Sure.
Speaker 5:Good morning everyone. So I would say no has definitely not been a straight track down through nonprofit work. I started out my career more than 30 years ago studying genetics at Children's Hospital and never thought that I'd ever get into nonprofit work at all. I spent about 15 years there and we got a new boss and he came in and said I'm getting rid of everybody and bringing in all my new people and I didn't know what else I was going to do. I had no clue how to do anything out in the world. Honestly, I'd started there at a very young age and started back to school, went to University of Central Oklahoma for a degree in public relations and found out that nonprofit work was a thing, and so I dove right on in thinking, if this is going to be my career, I'm just going to keep moving up and learning everything that I could. So definitely was not expecting to be in this career at all.
Speaker 4:Thanks, Judy. That is a, that's a big jump. So go ahead, Monica.
Speaker 6:Good morning, glad to be here with you all. So no, my career was definitely not linear. I think Evita mentioned some of the things in my bio but truly I've, you know, been working since I was 14. And I feel like it's important to say that because I feel like a lot of the lessons that I learned as a very young person in the workforce really kind of shaped me and expectations that I had moving forward into my professional career. But no, my career path definitely hasn't been linear.
Speaker 6:I went to law school. I always say I was the old person at law school. I went to law school much later in life and I was just one of these people that had all kinds of interests. I just wanted to do all of the things and I think I still do and finding a way to channel that and I think I finally landed in the right career that allows me to channel that multifaceted interest. With the legal skills that I have now, I've been able to kind of leverage those in different ways, which we'll talk about more. So yeah, I think I've done everything from, like I said you know, decade career as a bartender to broadcast journalism and a lot of things in between. So definitely not linear for me.
Speaker 4:Thanks, Monica.
Speaker 2:Good morning everyone. Thanks so much for the opportunity to share today. I would have to agree that my career doesn't feel like it was linear. It might look that way in some ways, but it doesn't certainly doesn't feel that way. I really.
Speaker 2:I started my professional journey in higher ed higher ed administration and was at really the same institution but in a lot of different roles for 19 years, if you can believe it and really then had honestly some values, questions that were coming into play for me. That made me really think doesn't really feel like the right fit for me here. What is next? And I always say you don't find the nonprofit life that find you, and so I made the move, pivoted into nonprofit. I knew I wanted to do work that felt really meaningful to me and you know, any, any type of work can be meaningful. It just has to be meaningful to you.
Speaker 2:And so moved into nonprofit work and eventually found myself at the regional food bank. And then I had an unexpected career transition, was not expecting to have my position eliminated, I was in a C sweet position, and so it came as quite a shock and I think in some ways, you know, having the benefit of some years under my belt kept me from sort of falling apart. But honestly, this group this best group in my network, which I know we'll talk about more later is really what helped me really clarify what I was hoping to do with my life, and coaching is one of those things that I really enjoy doing. So I've now moved into a consultant role and coaching nonprofits really all over North America and loving it.
Speaker 4:So, wow, thank you, kendra, you actually kind of answered the second question I had for you all, but I love how you all kind of shifted into completely different careers and I know sometimes folks feel like, oh, I've been on this track for so long, I just got to keep going, even when it feels like it doesn't fit. But we don't, like Erica put in the comments. You know you don't have to know what you want to be when you're a kid. You can always change and switch tracks, you know, and it may not be as easy, but it's, you can do it. So I do want to ask this question then, because, kendra, you kind of already answered. But, judy and Monica, how has networking played a role in your career and do you have any specific examples of how it's positively impacted your professional life?
Speaker 5:Yeah, for me, I would say definitely networking within this group. For sure I'm, when I first joined in, much like Kendra, was going through a transition in my previous role and and was very vulnerable and sharing that information with this group and was really appreciative of the fact that this was a safe space to do that and that these women were really listening, even though I had not known these ladies for a very long time. And there was one person in particular in this group, shannon Cooper, who would meet with me from time to time and she really listened and she made sure that I knew she really cared about what I was dealing with. And it just so happened that we went to a best luncheon that was hosted by Kristen Garcia at the verge and Shannon introduced me to Brittany Carter-Thomas, who's the current executive director and founder of Freedom City OKC and who would have thought that that day meeting Brittany would turn into me being the chief operating officer for her all these months later I started out really just doing coaching and consulting for her through my company that I started last year and just over time in talking to her she just kind of talked to me about what she wanted and who she needed on her team and those types of things, and it just transitioned to this.
Speaker 5:So I am rather grateful to Shannon Cooper and the ladies in this group really for just wrapping their arms around me and helping me feel good about the changes that were happening, even though it kind of hurt at that moment and you just don't know where you're going and what's going to happen and how you're going to thrive and how you're going to take care of your family and make all those changes from things that you weren't used to doing. I'm not doing just nonprofit or fundraising work right now. I'm really managing a whole organization, even though there is an executive director, and for a long time I wanted to be an executive director and a vice president of an organization and now I'm like no, I feel kind of sweet spot right here in the COO position, and so I think this is where I'll stay. But I am grateful to everyone here and definitely Shannon for giving me the opportunity, and I'll be forever grateful to Brittany for sure. She's a fantastic executive director, she's got a fantastic organization and I'm just excited to be working for her.
Speaker 4:Thank you, Judy. I'm so glad you shared that one Freedom City. I'm one of their volunteers and it's a great organization. And then Shannon shout out to Shannon, she is wonderful and I love how you shared that, in a time where you were most vulnerable, that you were able to share with this group. And I know there can be a tremendous amount of shame, like maybe, that we heap on ourselves or we feel like people are thinking that we didn't meet up to expectations when we're going through transitions like that and it can sometimes silence us and so we don't wanna share, maybe because we don't trust that there are people that won't judge us, or whatever it may be. Yeah, we isolate instead of leaning into friends and network. And Monica, I'm gonna let you go, Sorry, I just wanna add that. Thank you for sharing that, Judy.
Speaker 6:Yeah, I'll make my response quick. I can't say enough, I think. If I look back again from the beginning of my working life to now, I think at every juncture there has been a powerful impact that networking has played in my long-term career. Even things like I said I mean I will say it was my first long-term career was bartending. Can you imagine the number of people that you meet over a decade long of doing this job right and just learning how to connect with those people? And then those people were the ones that ended up writing my letters of recommendation for law school, because I just so happened to work at the local watering hole for all the judges and lawyers in my community right but became very good friends with those folks. They helped me not only navigate the process when I was a first-generation college student definitely first-generation law student learning how to navigate that whole process. Some of those guys for my bartending days right were present at my law school graduation years later and now are some of my referral sources for my practice now. I mean it just all comes full circle and it all is about those relationships and building a powerful network.
Speaker 6:Most recently I had the luxury in my most recent job transition to out of corporate in-house counsel into back into private practice, of having kind of a long transition period as the company was looking to replace my role with a new person, and so I was involved in that and but kind of had the luxury of having this period of kind of knowing, oh, I've got a lead time right.
Speaker 6:It wasn't just like all of a sudden, and so I did tap into this network.
Speaker 6:Erica was very influential in helping me tap into opportunities.
Speaker 6:A lot of the ladies throughout our vest table sessions when I made it known that I was gonna be looking for a job, pegged me for opportunities, sent me messages Shannon Cooper as well I gotta give a shout out to her and so some of those touch, every single one of those touch points, led to some experience that has benefited me now, even if, for example, an opportunity that maybe, if Erica sent me an opportunity, if it didn't pan out, it was still an excellent interviewing opportunity, opportunity to tweak my resume and also get my face in front of even more people and network even more.
Speaker 6:So I can't say enough just networking in general. I think if I look back over my life and my career, I can't identify a big transition point when it wasn't playing a role in my life, but now as and from a professional standpoint, being in this city, in this community. We all know Oklahoma City is the smallest big city, right, I mean it is. We're all like two degrees of separation, and so building that reputation first and foremost, but then building that network of people, has been absolutely instrumental.
Speaker 4:Thank you for that, monica. You sound like you build a really strong network, and we know that's not easy for everyone to build networks. Some of us are more shy than others or we just lack like the time and adequate networking opportunities, trying to balance work and home responsibilities. How did you nurture the relationships that you were building, monica?
Speaker 6:So I, to me, just first of all, authenticity, and this is just human right. This isn't networking, this isn't women, this isn't. This is just human right. Authenticity, I think, is just first and foremost, paramount in networking, particularly when you're trying to be intentional about it. I had a problem when, for example, my husband is an excellent networker and he was the one that really was like showing me how to do it, and I thought the way he was doing it worked great for him, didn't work great for me. I just not that it was disingenuous coming from him, but for me it felt fake. And so, to me, nurturing the relationship in an authentic way is what I feel like has allowed me to form amazing relationships with not just people who I eventually can get something from right whether it's a client referral or whatever but that I can give back to. And so one of the ways that I do that and I know this sounds so simple, but I'm a card writer. I mean there's probably people in this room, I think maybe, that have gotten or received cards from me, for whatever right I mean. But that's my authentic self reaching out to somebody and congratulating, sympathy or whatever right. Just a note of encouragement For me, coming into my day, we're starting off with prayer or whatever.
Speaker 6:I mean that's my personal thing, but there's people that come to mind and I try to shoot them a message or send them a text or put them on my card sending list.
Speaker 6:I've got a note in my phone that just has people that I just need to write a card to, and so to me, that's the key thing. There's a lot of tips and tricks to you know that you can read about, about networking, but to me, it all starts with authenticity and doing it in a way that feels authentic to you, because if you just try to copycat something that someone else is doing, I think people receive that in a different way and it feels not very genuine. So you know, in all the different ways that I network, or all the different you know rooms that I'm in or networks that I can reach in, or you know your fingers are in all these pies. Whatever analogy you want to use, I think the authenticity piece is what really makes a lasting impact and forms meaningful relationships, and so whatever that means for you whether it's, you know, praying for people or writing cards, or whatever it is that you do that would make it that is your authentic way of reaching out. I think that's paramount.
Speaker 4:Thank you. Yeah, that's a lost art and it makes an impact when you do get a card. Thank you, monica. I also want to remind all of our Vestis that if you have a question, you can put it in a chat, you can raise your hand feature, and folks are watching for that so they can let us know, so you don't have to wait till the end to ask a question. Let's move on to the next one, and maybe all of this is you've already mentioned it, but what has been one of the most challenging career decisions that you've had to make? And, other than your network, what resources and tools did you use to get through?
Speaker 5:it. Sure, I guess I would say definitely starting my own company. It was super, super scary to think about and even just put into motion, but I think it was more related to just my own. Can I do it? Can I do it on my own? Do I need to be, you know, with a company to have some you know type of legitimacy? How many people are really gonna believe that this is gonna work for them and those types of things?
Speaker 5:But I guess, just from all of the relationships I had built over the years and people that I had worked with at different organizations, or you know even donors donors that I had worked with at different organizations and they came to you know my rescue, they met with me, they encouraged me, they said, look, I'm glad to hear you're doing it because you know you should be in this type of role, you should have your own shop, those types of things, and so that just further encouraged me and gave me the momentum to go forward with it. Now, what I do with it, I don't know, you know. I mean I'm still kind of in that spot where I'm like I'm not sure if that's gonna be something where I wanna keep my main focus. Again, like I said, I'm really enjoying where I'm at with Freedom City. It's given me a lot of ability to do that coaching and consulting and along with doing the operations for the organization, and so I feel like it doesn't have to be one or the other.
Speaker 5:I did have somebody tell me one time when I met with them to talk to them about this very thing, about what I should do, and they literally said, oh, I feel like people who get into coaching and consulting, then they find another job and then they just ditched that effort and that I don't like that. I don't like when they do that. And I was like, I mean, should I do that? Am I gonna look like that? And then I thought to myself but it doesn't have to be one or the other, it can be a mix of both. I don't have to do just the coaching and consulting and own my own company. I can do both and, gratefully again, brittany allows me to do both. So I still have some clients under my business that I started and I'm still the chief operating officer and Brittany knows that she can trust me and that I'm gonna fulfill my duties with her, and so she doesn't have to worry about that and I'm grateful for it.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's so wonderful. It's like I love that Just hearing that, even spring, like you know, even for myself, like I can patch together all the things that I love and make my own quilt. It doesn't have to fit someone else's pattern, right? Thank you, judy Kendra. What about you? What is one of the most challenging career decisions you've ever had to make? Gosh?
Speaker 2:I think there's probably been a lot, but it's related to a decision that was made for me but, similar to Judy trying to decide what the next step would be when you're not expecting a career transition, that was the first time at 51 that that had ever happened to me and I was like, okay, here we go right. And you know I much like probably many of you, and I know we've got a lot of consultants in the group I was like does the world need another consultant really? I mean, do we Because there's so many out there? Like, why is my voice important? You know, in this space and you know I found a great niche where I can join a firm of folks and I don't, you know, have to do some of the toughest work that I think consultants do, which is really get your word out there about the great services you provide.
Speaker 2:But I also just had a lot of that same self-doubt about do am I needed in this space? Is this the right space for me? Also, I'm an independent contractor, so that comes with a whole set of, you know, scary. There's no safety net, right? And my husband is self-employed too, so we really have no safety net in terms of benefits and those kinds of things and it just there's a lot of things to take into consideration at an age where I felt like, okay, this career change is probably hopefully the last one I'm gonna make before I retire. I'm 52 and you're at an age where people start to say, oh, you know, like do we hire her Because you know how much does she have left to give, which is crazy, because I don't do not feel like I'm anywhere near the end of my career. But you know all the things that society tells us about our age.
Speaker 2:But I think, just walking through that process of determining what is my value, what is my unique contribution and really what makes my heart light up right when I think about my daily work, I have an opportunity. This wasn't expected, it wasn't fun, but it gave me an opportunity to really look inside and say what are my values and how do I wanna apply those in the world to do the most good. And it might not be me getting to do the good at a nonprofit right now, but I get to help a lot of other nonprofits now do really great work in their communities and get to help them raise as much money as they can to support those missions and that feels like a good fit. So will it always, I don't know.
Speaker 2:But that was a little bit of a tough move and it's a tough transition to make when you're in a space where people expect you to be an expert and some days I'm like people pay me for this and they think you know what I mean. You just have all this self-doubt. As you said, erica's self-doubt is a bitch and it shows up a lot and you've gotta really remind yourself and have people in your network that hold up the mirror and say, no, you do good work and you know what you're talking about and your advice is worth something.
Speaker 4:So yeah, that's so wonderful. I love one having the network, the folks around you, to support you and to counteract that self-doubt. And then I love that Well, I'm gonna quote you, just kind of think of it, to speak it to myself what makes your heart light up? Right? So when you have those moments where you know the nagging at you, like, oh you should be, no, what makes my heart light up and follow that? Well that. Thank you, kendra. Let's talk about mentors and sponsors. So how important is it to have a mentor or a sponsor? And have you all had mentors or sponsors who played a significant role in your career? Like, did you find them or did they find you and how did they contribute to your success?
Speaker 6:Yeah, I mean we've talked about, you know, forming a network and so not everyone in your network is going to be a mentor, right, not everyone in your network is gonna be a sponsor. And I think I one of my biggest mentors again, just looking at my career and in the law and over the last decade I fell into it right. So when I started working at a big law firm, you know, phillips Maras came in as a brand new law student, you know, right out of law school and working in a big firm and you kind of get put into a place and you're working for partners and this and that and it's a real grind. Not that that's anything against the firm in general, it's just that's the way big law is right. And I kind of fell into my mentor because I was assigned to work in a particular sector of the firm and just landed in a great space doing all of my work for an amazing partner who was really invested in growing me. Because, again, I mean it's business right, I mean at first right. It's beneficial for them if you're growing right Because you're bringing in more revenue. But beyond that, like recognizing the skills and ability that I had and taking time to ask me you know what are your interests, where do you wanna grow? I'm supporting the efforts that I was making to grow my network, like participating in leadership you know Oklahoma City or serving on nonprofit boards, you know, in a big law firm. It's difficult to sometimes support that because it's all about the billable hour, right.
Speaker 6:But finding that person, that needle in the haystack, I kind of and again it wasn't anything that I did on my own, I fell into it, obviously nurtured that relationship and to this day I mean that partner is a mentor that I go to for a lot of things in life, not just career. She's older than me, more experienced than I am, and just comes from a different background right, different perspective than me, but appreciates my story and respects my story, and so I think that mutual respect for each other right, it's turned into a friendship, grown into much more than that mentor relationship. But I think right now I mean just like the most impactful mentoring relationship that I have is that one and I just honestly I just say it was the you know God's hand. I mean it was just such a blessing that I landed in that space and I think longterm it's just been one of the biggest blessings of my life and so, navigating most recently these career changes that I've had to make, she was definitely someone that I relied on heavily.
Speaker 6:And again, you know we see all these memes on the internet about you know, surround yourself with people who say your name when you're not around or like, well, speak up for you and put your name out there for opportunities. I mean she's all of those things right, and I come across people now that I meet and they heard about me through her, right, and that's when you know you found someone good, right? That's when you know that you're like, wow, I didn't even know that she was saying my name in these places and spaces. And so it's again critical to my success but also my wellbeing, because I feel like I have someone that I can talk to. Because, like you said, kendra, I mean sometimes as a lawyer, I mean people hiring you.
Speaker 6:They expect you to know what you're doing right, and we all have questions, right, and so I love my job, love my client, love my practice area. But sometimes it just needs to reach out to someone and ask, and I can do that without feeling judged. I can do that without feeling, you know, incompetent, all of the things that we tell ourselves when we reach out for help, so that you know, again I fell into that relationship. But again, nurturing that relationship in a very authentic way, I think, is what has allowed that relationship to thrive and really become very central to not only my professional life but my personal life as well.
Speaker 4:Thank you, monica. Anyone else, any other panelists, have anything to add on this?
Speaker 2:I'll just mention that. You know, when I was younger, I think, in mentors I looked for something very different than I look for now. Right, Isn't that the truth of everything? Right, but I think I was looking for who? Well, who's at the top right? Who's the CEO? How can I connect with those folks? And, in reality, sometimes, often, those folks aren't where the rubber meets the road and, while there is certainly value and wisdom to share at that level, those weren't the folks that I needed to be speaking into my career and journey. I needed to have people that were really doing the work on a day-to-day basis and understanding what it really took, and that I could build trust with and hear from in a different way. So you learn that over time, but that's not a lesson I knew right out of the gate, for sure.
Speaker 4:Thank you, Kendra. You got some shots from that one. We do have a question from Maribel. I'm not sure if I said that right. Forgive me if I didn't, but how do you maintain connection consistently, not just when there is a want or a need? She wants to provide value to her mentors but is unsure how this is to any of our panelists.
Speaker 6:I love that question, Maribel, I struggle with that too because A when I was building my network, I didn't always just want to be reaching out when I needed a job or when I needed a sponsorship for something I was doing or whatever. One of the ways again, this is just my thing, my thing that I love to do If I see someone is being recognized in a particular way. I just did this with my financial planner yesterday. He won some kind of award. The guy I'm sure he knows who we are, but we're part of a portfolio, Right. But I sent him a card and I just said thank you for everything you're doing for us and congratulations on this recognition. That's the pretty prestigious recognition To me.
Speaker 6:I think maintaining that contact is just like making sure that you're keeping abreast just through your social media, through LinkedIn. It's a great way to do that Recognizing and giving those props to people. That's one way that you can stay in contact. Another way again you guys have probably all received my Christmas cards. I'm huge on Christmas cards. It's one time a year that you have the opportunity and it's normal People are getting them right. Or happy new year card, Sending something, a correspondence out to just remind people. I'm thinking of you at this time of year that's special to me, or whatever, Right? So, again, I know it doesn't have to be all about cards, that's not that simple, but that's one way that I do that. So acknowledging recognition that they're receiving, kind of giving that extra props whether it's even just a comment on social media and then providing value to them.
Speaker 6:So I went through this recently when I was looking for my next role, and one of the things that I said in my email that I sent out to my network is at the end of my email. I said something like I forget exactly how I phrased it in the email, but it was something along the lines of I've told you a little bit about what I've been doing, what I'm looking to do, I want to hear what you've been up to and if there's any way that you can plug me into what you're doing or that I can be a resource for you, please feel free to reach out to me. And so sometimes it's like people get those emails where you're saying, hey, I'm making a career transition and I need a job, like, hook me up if you heard here of any opportunities. But we forget that last part of we want to be a value to them, but we forget to say that Right, and so sometimes just saying that to individuals brings it to mind and they're like oh, I just read all about what they've been doing, here's what I'm doing. I think I could plug them in here or connect them with so and so, or maybe they could be a resource or a mentor.
Speaker 6:I had several people after my most recent job email that went out, say hey, my niece is going to law school, she's interviewing at OC or OU, Can you chat with her? Happy to do that? Right, it's a phone call, it's a 30 minute call, Just chatting with somebody, but it's immense value to them because you're doing something in return and something in return for them. So, again, it's not always tip for tat or, you know, quid pro quo, but we do have a, like you said, money. Well, we have a desire to also want to provide value, and so those are some ways that I've been able to do that. Thank you.
Speaker 4:Sophia had a question, and do you have any advice or tips on looking for and approaching someone to be your mentor? And I think you answered that, monica. I want to give the other panelists an opportunity to chime in and add anything, if they have anything else to add.
Speaker 5:I was just going to say for me. I send text messages to people once a month. I will check in with people to see how they're doing. You know, if they need anything, it might be 30 days since I spoke to them. You know we're not maybe in the same you know type of work or we're not the same company, but I will check in on them and I'm also a connector.
Speaker 5:I love to help people connect to things that they are needing help with. If I see that they need something or they ask me, I'm always going to follow through and help them connect with something, and I know that that's going to come back to me twofold. Whether I asked them for something or not. I know that at some point they're likely saying my name as well, and so that's. That for me, is not a big concern. I don't send my text messages or try to connect people to things that they need or help people with stuff in hopes that they're going to help me. I want it to be very genuine and I want them to know that I care about them and that I want them to do well as well. So I think it's just really about just finding your way that you connect with people. It could be through, you know, monthly text. It could be, like Monica said, a card. It could certainly be through an email. You know, whatever it is, some people you know still pick up the phone and call each other and I'm not great on talking on the phone for long periods of time, but I can text message like a master ninja and I'm more than willing to do that. But that's really how I stay in touch with people and in terms of just, you know, finding people who tend to only come to you when they need help.
Speaker 5:I saw this in the chat as well. You know, I do set boundaries and I'm pretty transparent. You know, if I can't help you, I'm going to let you know that I can't help you. I'm not going to drag you along. I'm not going to make you feel like there's something that I'm going to be able to do for you. I'm not going to let you know that you can't. I will try to connect you with somebody. Maybe they can. But I truly try my best to be transparent and set those boundaries very early in the conversation so that it just doesn't drag on too long, because I think that that's unfortunate when people actually do that.
Speaker 4:Thank you, and thank you for addressing that other question too, judy. Let's see.
Speaker 6:I'll put in on this one too, because, as a lawyer, believe me, sometimes I'm the lawyer that people know in their network and they're reaching out. You know where I think, like when you say how do you set boundaries. I mean to me I'm hey if I don't have an attorney-client relationship with somebody. There's all sort of ethical things that come in right for giving legal advice or whatnot, but sometimes people just need some general direction, for some peace of mind, and so to me I feel like that's part of my networking, that's part of building my brand, that's part of building who I am as a lawyer. Right? Because even if it's a friend of a friend that's calling because they need just a quick answer to this or that, it may not be in my practice area or whatever, but at the very least I feel like somebody trusted me enough to give them my information. Right, and they've made contact with me. And at the very least, whether it's time, expertise, whatever that I don't have, I want to, at least to the extent that I'm able to make a good referral for them. Right? Because, especially in a legal world, sometimes you're just shooting in the dark and you're just Googling who's a good personal injury attorney and you don't really have any frame of reference for that.
Speaker 6:So I don't do personal injury law, but I've had people reach out and I'm able to get them connected with somebody that I know and that I trust and that I think does an excellent job, and so sometimes it's just you know doing that, and so I feel like maybe I'm not the best at setting the boundary because I just don't.
Speaker 6:I feel like that's part of my, my brand, right. It's just that like I really do want to help and I really do want to make sure that they get to somebody that can help them, even if it's not me. But but yeah, I mean, sometimes I think it's just like in life, right, your friends, your family calling constantly because they're getting a divorce or whatever. It's just like, okay, I can't, I can't right now, but yeah, I think I'm. Maybe I'm not the right person to answer that question, but I just wanted to add that that it's like you know, I feel like it's part of my brand is like being able to really be authentic about that and and also help get them to somebody who can help them, because I think that's just as valuable, particularly if I'm not able to help them.
Speaker 4:Thank you, Monica. So you mentioned brand a few times. Some nice struggle. So women often face the dilemma of self promotion. Erica knows I have a hard time to be forever just even get on Instagram and I'm still barely on there. But we know promoting your compliment, accomplishments and contributions is critical to building a personal brand. Particularly in today's environment where everything is, you know, social media, how do you approach showcasing your achievements and skills without feeling uncomfortable, and what advice do you have for women who struggle with self advocacy in their careers?
Speaker 2:I'll jump in on this, just because this gets my goat. I get you know, I I have felt the same feelings of like gosh, should I share this? I mean, I'm supposed to be humble and you know all those things, but we don't ask men the same questions about when, when they share their accomplishments, we clap, we say great job. And for women, we have this side I like. Well, who's she trying to impress, right? And I think that is a bunch of BS and I think we as women do it to other women unknowingly, right, it's just these things that we do.
Speaker 2:We have this inner competition sometimes, and that's one of the things I love about this group is there is so much applause for each other and the great things that are happening in everyone's lives and that's you know.
Speaker 2:It's great to have others recognize that. But you have to come to a place where if people don't like that about you, that you're celebrating something great in your life, then they are not, they should not be in your life, right, they are not, they're not your cheering section, they're not your people, and you've got to find ways to just really. You've got to know your worth and your individual contribution and it's okay to say that, and we have to, we have to make that space okay. And I think, as women, we have to celebrate when another woman is celebrating her accomplishments. Go, girl, right, like, go for it, say it louder, you know, scream it to the back, because that's the patriarchy and that cannot be. We cannot let that continue, because we there's a lot of great things happening for women and we have to celebrate it and we have to make spaces safe for women to do that.
Speaker 4:Thank you, kendra, that was great.
Speaker 6:I'll kind of piggyback on that because, again, I don't want to get into the weeds on all this. I don't want to get into the religious view or your societal view or whatever. I think there's value in being humble, right. There's value in serving rather than promoting, there's value in all those things, and I think that you know, I tend to believe that when we serve, then God will take care of the rest, right, and you will be recognized and you will be amplified in all of those things. But I get that that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about in a world where LinkedIn, instagram, facebook all of that is key to what I'm doing now in private practice getting clients, letting people know this is what I'm doing, this is what I can do for your business, this is what I can do. It's your business, right.
Speaker 6:And I struggle with that and how to do that in a way that is in that comports with what my spiritual beliefs are right, and it's unfortunate that that's a. I'm going to take that back. I don't think that's unfortunate. I think it's a valid question to ask yourself and I've struggled with that. But I do think that doing it for one another right, that is a way that you can serve someone else in this network. You can serve people in your community men, women, whatever. We can serve each other by amplifying those accomplishments, by creating a space for them to be recognized, by mentioning their name right For opportunities and things like that. So there's a myriad of ways to do that, but sometimes we can't rely on others to do it. Erica has a million things going on, gabby has a million things going on, so does Jay, and we can't just rely on them to recognize everything that we're doing in our careers and put it out there on blast on best, linkedin or whatever, right? Sometimes we need to do that for ourselves and I think that we have to get. It's such a personal thing Because, again, I think there's all sorts of things that feed into that, right, it's not even just culture, right, society, religion, all of these things feed into that. And so finding your way of doing that, that again is authentic for you, because I don't really put I mean, I do say things like I'm very excited to partner with or we're, but I feel more comfortable when I'm doing it as a group, right, like I'm part of the OKC Latino Young Professionals and we're doing a lot of really great things and, yes, I'm the vice president of the organization and our leadership's doing great things. I feel more comfortable with it when I'm promoting that out there as a group.
Speaker 6:I don't think everybody in this room would agree with that, right, that sometimes it's OK to just say, hey, I did this right, that's OK. I'm not quite there yet, I'm not quite that comfortable with that, and I just think that it's such a personal thing and one thing that we can all do for each other is not make the other feel bad about how they're choosing to do it right If it's as part of a group, if it's as part as individuals, if we're relying on others. You know, I've had I won't mention names, but like I've had people say, you know, or I asked hey, you got this award, why didn't you say something about it? And they're like I kind of feel you know, would you do it? I'm happy to do it right, like, however, you want to figure that out in your own head, right?
Speaker 6:I just think it is such a sensitive issue and it's a very personal thing and don't agree with people making each other feel bad about choosing to do it or not do it right, and so it's just what works for you, what works for your career, and that might change over time. Right, that it might change, and so I think one thing that we can all do as women in this group is support each other in. However it is that we choose to do that and, at the end of the day, if you see somebody that has done something great, you know unless they've specifically asked you not to right what's wrong with making that mention, tagging them on a post, resharing it, something you know to just recognize that. So I know that's a convoluted way of saying. I think it's just such a personal thing and that's why it's a question, right, how do we navigate this? Like, what do we do with it? Because it is so I feel like it is very personal.
Speaker 4:So that's my yeah. Thank you so much for that. I mean, sometimes I think, oh, you know, my husband said I move in silence. Well, that's not good when you're trying to build a brand or build a business, you know, and I have to think every time I put up a post, I think, you know what, when I worked for other organizations, I had no problem, you know, saying their achievements and putting things out there on social media. So I can't do it for myself, and so that's. I'm still struggling with that, but I'm working through it. Sophia, I see that hand Go ahead.
Speaker 3:I just wanted to say to Monica you're just like your support and even someone that has struggled with sharing all the different things that I do and like being that cheerleader for myself. You have definitely like also brought that attention and like sharing, like hey, I saw that you did this, congratulations, and you should like cheer on yourself on social media and stuff. So even having that said too, and just saying that someone can make a big impact too, because now I'm very much on this journey and trying to do that for myself. So just yeah.
Speaker 6:And that's the classic. You know, do as I say, not as I do, right, because I'm telling you wow, you did this amazing thing. You should be promoting it out there. So we'll work through it together, sophia.
Speaker 4:Let's talk about. Well, first of all, let me say this we did mention how women can support women, so I heard that from Monica and Kendra how we can support one another in our businesses. And so, judy, I want to give you the opportunity to, if you want to, chime in or add anything else to what they said about how we can support one another as we navigate careers. If not, we'll move on.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I think it's just really being about being vulnerable and you know the person who's needing the help being vulnerable and the person that's receiving that information, giving them the free space to do it. You know, to share and to again, if you can't help them, being transparent that you can't help them but you can maybe find someone that can help them, or being that person that can connect them. I think that that's the most important is creating that safe space and allowing people to be vulnerable, but you also being vulnerable yourself as to whether you can be of help to someone or not, and I think that that's just super important and, just again, making it a safe space is important to me.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's really important. Thank you, judy. Well, as women in leadership, we know it can be a real challenge to achieve and maintain the work-life balance. How have you all managed to balance or integrate your professional and personal life, and what advice do you have for us in striving for a similar balance?
Speaker 6:Silence right. Has anyone figured this out? So I think the three panelists, probably we all come from very different like we all have different family situations. So, like I'll just tell you, I'm 42. I'm married recently, married about to celebrate two years. I've been with them, with my partner, for over a decade now. But and I don't have children and my baby my thing, my love, is my nonprofit work, my service work, my board work, and so I'm super lucky to have a partner that is also equally invested in his nonprofit and service work. And so we have found a way to integrate that because it's what we do, it's our thing, it's our kid right, it's our baby, it's just how we've chosen to structure our life right now. And so I've found the balance because I have the right partner right that allows me to do that and does it with me. We made some strategic choices when we got married two years ago to kind of drop off a couple of things and maybe join efforts on a couple of things so we could actually serve together in a couple of capacities, because we were finding ourselves like every night of the week like different board meetings, and if we could combine some of them and serve together and then the organization got more bang for their buck because they got both of us instead of one. So that worked out well in a couple of situations.
Speaker 6:But the bigger thing for me has been balancing my bigger family right. I come from a large family four sisters, my mom and my dad. They all live in Texas but rely heavily on me for a lot of things in our family, not just financially, but I'm the doer in my family, right? So everything from let's figure out what's gonna happen with these kids for college to what's gonna happen with grandma, what's going on with her estate, what's gonna happen with my dad retires, all of those things right. So I may not have kids, that I'm balancing and trying to figure out where, how to get them to and from school and this and that. But I feel like sometimes I have the weight of the shoulder, weight of the world on my shoulders for my bigger family because as a first generation student I mean college grad, professional attorney you're kind of the person that everybody looks to to just kind of like figure it out, and I'm learning how to set boundaries. I'm learning how to get my nose out of certain things that I just I can't do it all right.
Speaker 6:And so to me, the bigger thing is recognizing where I can make the most impact in using my talent, my treasure, my time in that space. Because and that's how I've just had to like balance my bigger, greater family and the responsibilities that I have to do, the things that I do for them, and just try to find where I can get the most bang for my buck. Because if I had two or three kids or whatever, I wouldn't. I value the work that I'm doing in the community, my service work I wrote my job right, my legal practice just as much, and it's my thing, that's my life right, it's important to me, and so I don't wanna take up too much time from that. And so I've just had to identify areas where I think I can make the most impact and stick with those rather than because, if I say, setting boundaries like there's no boundaries with my family, I'm learning, but it's trying to find those places where you can make the most impact and try to use it there.
Speaker 6:But again, I think we all have very different family situations and whatnot, and so that's just from my perspective and just kind of being. I don't have kids and so it's been. That's how I've figured out how to balance it when it feels balanced.
Speaker 4:Thank you, Monica. I know we have a couple of minutes, so I wanna give Kendra as well.
Speaker 2:I would agree with a lot of what you said in terms of we don't have it figured out right. I don't think anyone does, but I've learned that no is a complete sentence and I've also learned that just because I have free time on my calendar doesn't mean I have to say yes when the opportunity comes my way. I know that for my own mental health I need space in a day and a week. I can't have every minute planned out and I did not do that as a young professional and I got myself in a lot of trouble right. I just was over committed, over taxed. I didn't, I wasn't doing my best.
Speaker 2:I learned from a supervisor at one point for every yes you say, you know, every yes you give, you're saying no to something else, and so I had to really learn like, what do I truly wanna say yes to? And it's not always easy. I'm not always making the right choices, but I do my best and I do really protect my personal time and very rarely will I give that up for really anything other than my husband. So I also don't have kids, but I still have. I still need my space to be creative and think and process, and you know all of the things. So no is a complete sentence.
Speaker 4:Absolutely.
Speaker 5:thank you, kendra Judy we love to hear from you.
Speaker 5:Well, like they said, we do all have different family dynamics.
Speaker 5:We have two children and a grandson, and I too have a very supportive partner.
Speaker 5:I mean, we're going on 31 years together this June and so he has, you know, put up with every single thing I've, you know, gone and done and career changes and this, that and the other, and so I think that's what makes it easy, and I think also, you know, just determining, you know what you're going to put your time into and just what you're not, and being able to say no. And in doing that again, just very genuinely and transparently, and you know you don't have to give reasons why, but just making sure that you are clear about that and just making sure that you're not going to be making you, from the start, don't say yes to something that you're not going to follow through on or that you have to give up because you know, 10 months in you're realizing that you just can't do it. So I'm all about just making that decision right at the very beginning and, again, just having a supportive partner and friends and our kiddos are very supportive as well. They're growing adults, so they get it.
Speaker 1:But I think that's what's important is just making sure that you are positive and ready to get to know your kid. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend and don't forget to leave us a review. And if you're ready to take your career to the next level, apply to join our community of professional women, all eager to help you get there and stay there. Dot, co and apply today.